


Dates in Hell

by covetsubjugation



Series: The Infamous Story of 'The Squad' [8]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 16:12:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7368541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/covetsubjugation/pseuds/covetsubjugation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"<b>disney god</b><br/>I’LL DO IT<br/>LAF DON’T TEXT WASHINGTON<br/>YOU’LL PROBABLY START BY SAYING “U UP” OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT</p><p><b>baguette fucker</b><br/>i am offended hercules mulligan<br/>you have so little faith in me<br/>what if i was simply going to text him a polite message<br/>informing him his beloved employees are safe under our care<br/>hmm??</p><p><b>get ur own dicc</b><br/>were u going to tho</p><p><b>baguette fucker</b><br/>no hercules is right i was going to start by saying “u up”"</p><p>*<br/>In which Alexander and Aaron are very very drunk and the squad has to take care of them</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dates in Hell

**Author's Note:**

> All spelling errors are intentional, unless they are not.

**the angelica squad**  
_aaron burr, angel, baguette fucker, disney god, eliza, fight me, get ur own dicc, peggy_

 **aaron burr**  
Hello all, please come and pick up Alexander and Aaron - Washington

 **get ur own dicc**  
what  
what is going on  
sir why are you texting from burr’s phone  
also what have they done

 **aaron burr**  
We all went for drinks after work - Washington  
Aaron and Alexander are the drunkest - Washington  
I am unable to handle either of them - Washington  
Alexander is also surprisingly eloquent despite how his drunkenness - Washington

 **baguette fucker**  
we have never actually seen alex drunk  
this will be a first

 **get ur own dicc**  
i’ll come get him with you guys if you’re free  
ofc you’re free i live with you guys i know your schedule  
LAF LET’S GO  
HERCULES YO OPEN UP

 **aaron burr**  
Please hurry - Washington  
This may overstep some boundaries but I have had to confiscate both of their phones -Washington  
They were attempting to message some of their contacts - Washington  
I thought it prudent - Washington

 **angel**  
this is going to be exceeding embarrassing for the both of them

 **aaron burr**  
They may not be able to remember these events tomorrow - Washington

 **disney god**  
one of them will have to check their phones eventually  
these messages will serve as a token

 **baguette fucker**  
we are on the way  
actually where are you?

 **aaron burr**  
We are at the bar on 70th street – Washington

 **eliza**  
sir you need not sign every message  
i think we will be able to tell the difference between you and burr texting atm

 **aaron burr**  
I concur  
atm?

 **eliza**  
at the moment

 **aaron burr**  
I see

 **baguette fucker**  
actually washington and burr kinda text the same way

 **get ur own dicc**  
the difference is that every word from burr is basically dripping with condescension  
washington is nicer

 **aaron burr**  
Thank you, I suppose?

 **angel**  
will one of you snapchat or record the whole thing  
it will make good blackmail material  
obviously i did not say that sir and am a Model Student

 **aaron burr**  
Sure

 **disney god**  
I got you covered ange

 **eliza**  
sir how did you even manage to text us from burr’s phone

 **aaron burr**  
I managed to retrieve it from him when he was about to send a message

 **get ur own dicc**  
doesn’t he have a password

 **peggy**  
his password is “incorrect” john

 **angel**  
how do you even know that

 **get ur own dicc**  
no that’s alex’s password

 **peggy**  
i met burr once before remember  
i managed to see him type it out

 **angel**  
you met him over a year ago  
he could have changed his password  
and what do you mean that’s alex’s password

 **peggy**  
true  
am i right though washington

 **aaron burr**  
Burr was willing to share his password with me while he was drunk  
You are actually correct  
I apologise, who are you again?

 **peggy**  
I’m peggy  
I’m the third schuyler sister

 **get ur own dicc**  
alex’s password is ‘incorrect’ because he thinks the whole “the password is incorrect” thing is funny

 **angel**  
aaron’s most used word is “incorrect” so i suppose that’s why

 **eliza**  
it is kinda freaky their passwords are the same

 **aaron burr**  
xuvdfnprub4pghcnombhx,x

 **peggy**  
what

 **baguette fucker**  
we’ve picked the two of them up  
washington gave them back their phones  
i said he was hot to his face

 **angel**  
is this really the time to hit on a faculty member

 **baguette fucker**  
he blushed tho

 **disney god**  
i got it on camera don’t worry

 **peggy**  
doing the lord’s work bless

 **fight me**  
bfrdp,dvrlkbg;aeb;j;

 **disney god**  
oh god

 **baguette fucker**  
these two assholes are really fucking heavy

 **disney god**  
it might help if you concentrated on carrying aaron and not text

 **baguette fucker**  
fcuk you herc  
youre just recording shit

 **disney god**  
i thought i was doing the lord’s work?

 **baguette fucker**  
jfc

 **get ur own dicc**  
and 1000 years later  
we have finally reached home  
aaron is just gonna sleep in alexander’s bed

 **peggy**  
are you guys going to do the thing where you strip them both and then let them think they slept together last night

 **get ur own dicc**  
WE SHOULD

 **disney god**  
er i don’t think we need to any more  
they both saw the bed and started stripping  
i am Avoiding Eye Contact

 **baguette fucker**  
i’m not

 **get ur own dicc**  
laf u r so fucking thirsty

 **baguette fucker**  
would you like to take a look at your current name

 **get ur own dicc**  
tru

 **fight me**  
bURRRRRR!!!!!!!  
aaaaaaaarrrroooOON  
AY-AY-RON

 **angel**  
START SCREENSHOTTING

 **aaron burr**  
ALEXANDER  
A L E X A D N E R

 **fight me**  
YOU SPELT MY NAME WRONG  
I HATE uuuuu

 **aaron burr**  
no u dontt haha  
you loveeev mee

 **fight me**  
nut you don;t love me hwen we’re at work

 **aaron burr**  
noooOO I DO  
HHAHA IM TYPING INC APS

 **fight me**  
SAME

 **get ur own dicc**  
this is strangely cute

 **fight me**  
JOHN  
JOHN SNOW  
JON SNWO

 **aaron burr**  
YOU KNOW NOTHING JON SNOWHA

 **fight me**  
JONH OYURE SO NICE YOUR FRECKLES AREW SO CUTE

 **get ur own dicc**  
thank you alex

 **fight me**  
you’r e so smol and cute  
aaron is also smol and cute

 **aaron burr**  
no im nto  
you’er shorter htan me

 **fight me**  
NO YOU’RE NOT  
JON WHO IS TALLER  
WINTE R S COMING

 **get ur own dicc**  
I think the both of you are the same height

 **fight me**  
hmph!!!!!!

 **aaron burr**  
hmph!!!!!!!!!

 **fight me**  
qUIT COPYING ME

 **aaron burr**  
AM NOT

 **angel**  
omg it’s like watching two children fight

 **aaron burr**  
ANGEL!!!

_angel has left the group_

**aaron burr**  
nOOOOO  
ALEXANDER WHYDID SHE DO THAT  
DOES ANGEL NOT LOVE ME  
I WANT TO CRY

 **baguette fucker**  
sweet jesus someone add angel back he is actually crying  
he’s just snuggling up to alex and weeping

 **aaron burr**  
i don’tlike lafayett’es name why do you sleep with bread

 **fight me**  
heeheehee laf is a bread fucker

 **aaron burr**  
i don’t want to fight alex eitherr  
usually i do  
but not today

 **fight me**  
THAT’S SO NICE  
WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT TODAY  
DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT ME ON OTHER DAYS  
BECAUSE I WILL FIGHT YOU  
FUCK YOU AARON

 **eliza**  
the fact that he managed to spell all those words correctly  
simply because he is angry  
is amazing

 **aaron burr**  
FUCK YOU TOO ALEX  
YOU’RE NOT NICE ON OTH ER DAYS  
I WANT TO FIGHT YOU A LOT ON THOSE DAYS

 **fight me**  
you suck!!!!

 **disney god**  
they’re just wrestling in bed rn  
the sheet is slipping  
I don’t want to see Things  
laf don’t say anything

 **baguette fucker**  
wasn’t going to

 **get ur own dicc**  
i think they’ve given up  
they’re just flopped on top of each other now  
if one of them needs to throw up the other is not going to be happy

 **baguette fucker**  
i’ll go find a bucket  
if i can  
ALEX’S HOUSE IS A MESS  
WE MAY HAVE MADE A MISTAKE INVITING HIM TO MOVE IN

 **fight me**  
go to hell burr

 **aaron burr**  
bfbsrmphch  
iron ic seeing as u r already there

 **fight me**  
see you in h ell then u heathen

 **aaron burr**  
is that a date i accept

 **baguette fucker**  
gET IT ALEX

 **peggy**  
how is he getting more action than me even while drunk

 **angel  
** tmi

 **disney god**  
should we be texting washington to let him know we got home safe

 **baguette fucker**  
tru

 **disney god**  
I’LL DO IT  
LAF DON’T TEXT WASHINGTON  
YOU’LL PROBABLY START BY SAYING “U UP” OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT

 **baguette fucker**  
i am offended hercules mulligan  
you have so little faith in me  
what if i was simply going to text him a polite message  
informing him his beloved employees are safe under our care  
hmm??

 **get ur own dicc**  
were u going to tho

 **baguette fucker**  
no hercules is right i was going to start by saying “u up”

 **peggy**  
help us all

 **get ur own dicc**  
laf you can’t see this but i am flipping you off

 **baguette fucker**  
i can actually seeing as i am nEXT TO YOU

 **get ur own dicc**  
whoop

 **eliza**  
your chick he so thirsty

 **baguette fucker**  
i shall wear your slander as a badge of honour

 **eliza**  
…

_eliza has added angel to the group_

**angel**  
so what did i miss

 **peggy**  
aaron cried because you left, managed to insult both lafayette and alex under 2 minutes, he fought with alex and then managed to get a date with alex 5 minutes later

 **disney god**  
you also forgot laf was being thirsty af

 **eliza**  
he wanted to send washington a booty text

 **angel**  
help us all

 **peggy**  
that’s what i said

 **get ur own dicc**  
err alex and aaron have fallen asleep on top of one another

 **eliza**  
please roll them over or they may choke on their own vomit

 **get ur own dicc**  
i know that’s what you are meant to do but as herc said  
i don’t want to see Things  
laf u have seen Things u do it

 **baguette fucker**  
fine but you owe me  
there they’re fine  
they may end up snuggling tho  
oh look at that they are  
sweet lord this is so cute

 **get ur own dicc**  
take pictures!!!

 **angel**  
blackmail material

 **get ur own dicc**  
i was thinking more along the lines of them being cute and for future prosperity  
but sure  
blackmail material too

 **disney god**  
don’t worry i got it

 **angel**  
bless

 **get ur own dicc**  
bless

 **baguette fucker**  
rt

 **peggy**  
rt

 **eliza**  
rt

 **disney god**  
oh so now i’m doing the lord’s work

 **baguette fucker**  
you can be god if you like

 **disney god**  
i like that  
and i already fucking am excuse me

 **angel**  
you just need a cult and you got yourself a new religion

 **disney god**  
do you guys count

 **angel**  
ofc not  
this is the angelica squad  
not the hercules squad

_disney god has changed the group name to “the hercules squad”_

_angel has changed the group name to “the angelica squad”_

_disney god has changed the group name to “the hercules squad”_

_angel has changed the group name to “the angelica squad”_

_disney god has changed the group name to “the hercules squad”_

_angel has changed the group name to “the angelica squad”_

_disney god has changed the group name to “the hercules squad”_

_angel has changed the group name to “the angelica squad”_

**eliza**  
children please

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who didn't win prizeo??? Me!!!! (I am so salty but we raised over a million dollars for a good cause so you know wow)
> 
> I am so tired, I know I say that a lot but it's true.
> 
> Also, in regards to the poly squad, I've been thinking about it and I'm kinda like "am I queer baiting if I say they are a poly squad but they don't do shit about it" (I know polyamory is not a sexuality but you know what I mean) So anyway, tell me if you think the poly squad should be a real, 100% verified thing.
> 
> The "is that a date" thing comes from [here](http://apitnobaka.tumblr.com/post/146733932232).
> 
> My tumblr is [here](http://www.bisexualexhamilton.tumblr.com) and bonne nuit!


End file.
